A DUM-E No More
by I Am Miranda Of The Tempest
Summary: Based off of Twitter RP. Ever since The Scarlet Witch moved in, inanimate objects have developed personalities and voices, some even becoming human for a short time. DUM-E didn't ask to be part of it, but has become a human now through the leftover magic floating around. Now it doesn't look like there's a way back and Tony is going to have to handle having a teenager to look after.


After the Scarlett Witch moved into Avengers Tower, things got a little more chaotic than before, which seemed impossible beforehand. Inanimate objects throughout the tower had suddenly been gaining personalities and speech capabilities. Which was very disadvantageous to the Avengers Tower residents when the coffee pot started complaining daily about her overworking and demanding songs as payment for brewing coffee. Steve's motorcycle and shield gained voices, as did Mjolnir, Clint's bow and arrows, Bucky's knife, gun and arm, and even Tony's Iron Man helmet. Was it a problem? Definitely. Most of them were candid and rude in an almost too charming way. When faced with questions and complaints Wanda would take a sip of her coffee and wake them off muttering something about 'magic osmosis' that no one understood. As if she wasn't purposely causing mischief.

It was only a mild problem until the objects started popping in and out of human form giving the tower's residents complete heart attacks and adding the problem of the equivalent of a dozen Thors running around not understanding human ways and effectively just trying to eat everything and kiss everyone.

When things calmed down more and the objects decided that they really preferred being objects that talked is when the real problem started though.

Tony had been in his lab like always, working with DUM-E on fixing his Iron Man boot while U spaced out in the corner. (DUM-E had always been the more active of the two.)

Pepper called him upstairs to grab his coffee that she'd made him as she left for work and he dropped what he'd been doing so he wouldn't end up with cold coffee again. However, when he returned something was distinctly different and wrong. Instead of the sounds of bots whirring about there was a choking sound coming from the floor behind the worktable he'd been at. Tony set his coffee down and walked toward it, "Honestly, how many times do I have to tell you all to _not_ come-" He stopped abruptly.

This was not an Avenger who had snuck in his workshop. There was a girl sitting on his floor in a long blue dress with her eyes wide as dinner plates and her mouth agape as the perfect picture of shock and horror.

She was very pale which was made more obvious against the deep brown of her long wavy hair and the royal blue of her dress. She appeared to be about 15 or 16 years old and was very petite and thin.

"Alright Little Miss, I don't know how you got in here but fan girls gotta go." Tony said trying to be cool and nonchalant about her sudden appearance. She girl just kept staring at him and started shivering violently and pulling in ragged breaths with her palms stretched flat and to the ceiling in her lap. Tony Stark knew the signs of panic attacks by now and rushed to sit in front of her as tears welled up in her eyes.

"Daddy Tony?" she choked out, "What happened to me? Me? Me?"

Tony stopped breathing and almost had a panic attack himself, Daddy Tony? Who was this girl? He couldn't have had children he didn't know about, could he? He looked around for DUM-E to get him a blanket for this girl but as he looked around all he saw was a concerned looking U. No DUM-E in sight. Oh… _Oh. Oh no._

He quickly wrapped the girl up in his arms and pulled her into his lap as she hyperventilated and started crying.

"It'll be okay. Shhhh…. We'll figure it out. Breathe like me, alright?" he said grabbing her hand and pressing it to his chest demonstrating his breathing. She didn't pay any attention to it and started pulling at he clothes and hair and face, trying to sort everything out. All the other objects had taken it so well, they'd _expected_ their change. Evidently, DUM-E hadn't asked for this. After a few more minutes her breathing calmed but she was still crying.

"Why? Why? Why?" she said. Tony rubbed her back; he didn't have answers for her. He didn't expect DUM-E to become human, and he _certainly_ didn't expect DUM-E to be a girl. He'd always assumed the rambunctious bot had been male. Also, why was she 16? That was only half of her bot age. DUM-E had been the first AI he'd ever made and he'd made DUM-E at a very young age.

Suddenly she went limp in his arms and her head lolled onto his shoulder. Shit, she'd passed out. Shit, shit, shit. He checked that she was still breathing, she was. So he got to his feet with some difficulty, checked that no dangerous machinery was still running, and carried her bridal style up to his room. He had no place else to put her and he should keep an eye on her. He laid her down on the bed and put a pillow under her head and the covers over her body, he climbed up next to her and sat on top of the duvet with another pillow in his lap.

"JARVIS?" he whispered to the still and empty air of his room.

"Shall I alert Dr. Banner, Sir?" came the hushed reply from the ceiling. Tony didn't want to wake her so he just nodded and waited.

A few short minutes later had Bruce poking his head into the room and furrowing his brow at the girl in the bed. A dark look graced his face as Tony quietly got up off the bed and went to him, closing the door behind himself.

"Tony, what the _hell_ is happening here? What do you think you're doing?" Bruce demanded. Tony felt a cold chill go up his spine.

"Don't get mad, Sour Patch, it's not what you think. That's DUM-E."

Bruce looked affronted, "Oh please, DUM-E is a boy."

"Bruce, go down to my lab. Look for DUM-E. Not there. You know he- or really- _she_ can't leave the lab. Stairs all around and only wheels to travel on. It took a team of 8 movers to get him- damn it- _her_ in there. I'm not making this up. I just carried her up here. She turned human, called me 'Daddy Tony', had a panic attack, and passed out. I wasn't about to leave her on the floor in the lab." Tony explained quickly while gesticulating grandly.

Bruce just looked amused now, "Daddy Tony, huh? That's adorable."

"Seriously? Out of this whole thing, that's what you get?" Tony demands.

Bruce shrugs, "So what do you want me to do?"

"She _passed out_. Make sure she's okay? I don't know."

Bruce leaned past Tony and pushed the door open to look at the unconscious girl from the doorway, "She looks like you." He noted.

"What are you talking about? She looks like a teenage girl." Tony huffed.

"She looks like you and Pepper. She's built like Pepper and colored like you." Bruce said almost in awe.

"She's a brunette, that's amazing and rare. Could you please just make sure she's okay?" Tony snapped sarcastically, clearly concerned for DUM-E. Bruce just shot him a knowing look as he stepped inside of the room and up to the bed, "This is going to change everything…" he mumbled to himself.

"What? Is she breathing? Is she alright?" Tony asked.

Bruce gave her a onceover. "She's breathing." He felt with two fingers for her pulse in her wrist and timed with his watch. "Pulse is normal." He reported, "She's just sleeping now. Imagine if _you_ suddenly got turned into a bot, Tony. All the new things and the shock of it. Going from a bot to a human? That involves nerves and sensation, that's a lot to take in. Especially when you weren't expecting it."

Tony thought about the way his shirt and pants moved against his own skin, how he could feel his own muscles moving and never really given any of it any thought before. He frowned, "What do I do?"

"Help her," Bruce shrugged, "Be there for her. Explain things to her. There's not much else we really can do." He gave a resigned sigh.

Then there came a soft and drowsy, "Daddy Tony?" from the bed.


End file.
